Many things in life are never quite what they seem to be. Take, for instance, us. Humans. Individuals. Unique souls. 

We all have a mask that we wear to suit the societal standard and needs, so that we aren't ostracized or attacked by others. We fight so hard to either stay in line so to speak or we develop a false sense of being to mask who we truly are inside so that we don't have to worry.

Sometimes we meet special individuals, amazing people who are so seemingly one of a kind and we get to know them like nobody else can or does. We cherish them and we share a passion with them, we fool ourselves into believing there is an indestructible bond and that we are special to them. 

But that is not at all the case.

Jim meets Sue. Jim is already one who thinks outside the box, has a "special" way of going about his life in a manner that others find either absolutely mature for his age or absolutely mad and he needs to reevaluate himself. Sue is similar to Jim, but she takes his ideals and blows them out of the water. She is the proclaimed one in a million types of girls. Her mind is an intricate web and network of beauty and complication one might spend many lifetimes trying to fully grasp or understand. Jim sees this and isn't fazed nor intimidated but rather begins to love Sue for herself and who she is. 

But Sue doesn't necessarily work that way. As said, she is intricate and complex, going above and beyond and far far away from what society has tried to train us all to be. She is literally herself, and she is beautiful. Not beautiful for her physical form, but rather beautiful with her mind and soul and how she carries herself in this ever changing, vicious world.

Sue will one day leave Jim, and there isn't anything he can ever do to change that.

And that is life. It is never what it seems to be. Ever.

Fate is interestingly weird. But, despite it being weird, it is great.

Motivational posters and quotes populate the world we live in. Simple word phrasings set up in a manner that invoke something deep within us that sparks the energy and desire to do more, live better and achieve the impossible tasks we've doubted our entire lives, or always thought we could but never tried.

I am a believer that with positive thinking and the right actions and motivation that happiness could be obtained by anyone. A poor man can be wealthy. A sad man can be happy. A tragedy can have a happier ending. But what are the steps towards such a thing? How can we get that which has evaded us for so long, and how hard or easy could it be to grab that carrot on a stick that dangles in front of our wanting hearts?

There is no right or wrong method or manner, no guide to life and certainly no product to help us get there. That is dependent entirely on ourselves and who we are and want to be.

It takes time. It takes patience. It takes a lot out of us. But nothing is ever impossible.

The world is there for you to take. Your happiness can be found around every corner. You just need to open your eyes and reach for it. Don't let anything stop you from getting the life you want.

Being sick sucks

But what else is new? Last week I got hit with some nasty congested feeling and it carried its way through most of the week but than cleared up just in time for me to get a mucus overload and cause my throat to go out more or less. Its hard to speak out loud but I'm still kicking, going to class and kicking ass :D

Anyways, I figure that I should talk about something or bring about a topic that has brought itself to a point of discussion in my day to day life. 

Let's talk about relationships? Let's mention love? Let's hate the pain together.

I had a friend who went into a relationship more or less with another guy (my friend is a girl.) She thought she was happy with him and that he was happy with her. He was her first love. She felt good when she was around him, and it was all so good. 

But, he had a relationship going on before she came into the picture, and the three had agreed to go with this. So, it was him and his girl, and then my friend entered the picture. 

So, as you could have guessed it didn't really work out. Jealousy ensued and more than a relationship was lost, but a friendship. It was hard helping her through it all, but I know she will make it and that one day a new love will enter her life. There is always love out there for all of us, but it just takes time for us to find that person. 

Love often times is pain. Instead of fearing it, learn to love it, understand it, grow from it.

I just spent some time with my amazing and wonderful girlfriend, we'll call her Fantasmical, because she simply is fantastically magical to me. We have an awesome relationship, and I believe we share a unique and wonderful connection together. We both go to the same school which is awesome and we are the same major. WHOO!

One of the many things that makes Fantasmical so fantasmical is her outlook on literally everything. The way she thinks, the way she goes about living each day, her opinions and beliefs of this life and the rest; it simply amazes me. Another grave understatement. Every time we converse, whether it be me speaking to her and she listens or the other way around, I always learn something new and take something from each conversation or discussion. Something that I can apply to my own life and understand to make what life I live even better than it was before, almost unlocking a happiness level (gamer logic I suppose.)

One thing we spoke about today was the idea that one day we, individually, can love and care for everyone in our life and world equally. This means family, friends, people we just met, people we may have hated in the past, murders, saints, everyone.

It is, and I will agree initially, a strange way to go about one's living. I think such is the way it is because we have been so thoroughly trained about good and evil and that we should have people or individuals in our life, like family and close friends, who we should care more for than the average Joe so to speak.

To better explain this method of thinking and conscious, she gave the example of having to choose between two individuals, one someone you know and the other someone you don't, and whoever you chose would live and the other would die. Instinctively, most likely, you'd choose the person you knew. Because you've been raised to think that you would save the person you care most about. That, essentially, is a problem. Because in that moment you place more value in one life than the next, and what gives us the right to decide whose life is worth more than the next persons?

She would do her best to save both, and to myself I thought similar. I would do my best to save both lives, or perhaps even martyr my own for their lives to be sparred. If for instance I saw Fantasmical being mugged on the street, I would instantaneously rush to save her from harm and probably beat the ever living shit out of the mugger. I would do the same for a stranger screaming for help when  nobody is around or willing to do anything about it.

We live in a strange, violent, peculiar world that expects us to do as we're told, and when there are those who stand up against that authority they are shut down or proclaimed insane and not well. Free thought and questioning what you've been told is important, at least it has been in my own life. I urge you to do the same.

... And so it begins.

I'm not sure where to take this or what I am doing but I presume this will be a place for me to lay down my thoughts, one at a time or many in one single push.

Let's start with who I am.

My name is Jeff, and we'll leave that where it is for now. I am 20 years old as I write this, and I have lived a life so far. I don't remember much about when I was younger but I suppose it starts with the passing of my father when I was five. It was odd and peculiar, immediately I was put under the care of a woman, we'll call her Norway, and she was my legal guardian. She was a family friend to some extents and was written in the will of my father that if anything were to happen to them that I was to be put under her care and so I lived with her for about 13 years.

It was interesting, being raised by someone who wasn't your parent. I didn't call her "mom" or "mother" and referred to her as my "God mother" for a few years. Her own children who were much older than me were my "God brothers." I have a step brother and step sister, from my mother's previous marriage. She too passed when I was about twelve or thirteen. That sucked. And that is an understatement beyond reasoning, but that will be a rant for another time.

There was a lot that happened, and I will have plenty of time to touch basis on such things later on, but despite everything I realize now that I was lucky, fortunate and I am to this day thankful for Norway. I don't know where I would be today if it weren't for her, and it scares me to think about such things sometimes.

I moved out when I was eighteen. I had to find something more for myself and so I moved in with my step sister, finishing my senior year at high school at the same school, which I was happy about. Even graduated with a 3.3 GPA, something that absolutely baffled so many since I was a FFFFFFFD student so to speak. Hell, to this day some people claim they were "easy" classes, being that was the only possible way I could ever succeed. But it still happened, and I am proud of myself even if others are reluctant to be.

Almost immediately after high school I jumped into college and have been attending an art school for almost 2 years now, going for my Game Art and Design degree. A long time ago I wanted to be an entomologist, and sometimes I wonder if I could still be one, maybe find a way to combine the two :) Who knows?

Anyways, dinner is ready to be served and I have some bellies to fill. Take care to you, my precious reader. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and possible more in the future. It means a lot to me, and I hope you get something out of it.

Jeff